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Birthdays Ahoy

Birthdays are great, aren’t they? I think everyone likes birthdays apart from Hitler. And people who share the same birthday with Hitler. This week it’s my birthday, my thirtieth to be exact, which probably means I should grow up and get a real job or something. However, in the twilight of my twenties I noticed something that I like to term reverse puberty: being in a long term relationship and then getting married narrowed the amount of girls that I felt I needed to impress (the quantity going down to just one to be exact) combining with the realisation that stuff I though was totally awesome when I was twelve (Warhammer 40,000/hair metal/trading card games) are in fact totally awesome. Therefore I intend to lurch into my thirties dressed in a Charmander onesie, pouring over poorly written Imperial Guard fiction without a care in the world. I might just start using a cane to give the impression I’m legally allowed to buy alcohol and need to do so to escape the dawning realisation of my body’s decay. So, birthdays all over the place this week! Rock and roll and D&D tournaments!


Today is Wednesday and Dann didn’t take the torment of the construction work going on directlyand below his desk to to its logical conclusion and attempt to drown in three feet of water, which is why Dann is writing this now to tell you The Radiance will be releasing their new single at DDC tonight from 9p.m. Dann’s coping strategy over the past week has included a constant diet of ice cream and Roy Orbison Wrapped In Clingfilm (in case you’re unacquainted:


Thursday will commemorate []==6... whoops, my cat decided to collaborate on the typing of that sentence. Let’s try that again: Thursday will commemorate thirty years since my parents realised their lives were going to be without peace or respite ever again. If you had told a twenty year old Dann that a thirty year old Dann would be sitting in an overpriced apartment looking out into the polluted haze of Beijing, writing an absurdist ‘gig guide’ read by the equivalent of a large basketball team, with the sound of power tools resonating around him...he’d probably say “Yeah, that sounds cool”. To celebrate my thirty years of things sounding cool I shall be getting sauced at Dada, which also happens to be hosting the album release of producer fantastique thruoutin on Ran Music, with support from an up and comer on their roster, Major. From 10p.m onwards. Earlier in the eve a screening of ‘The Making Of Steel’  will be going down at fRUTYSPACE, which may or may not be a homoerotic take on the Superman origin story, from 8:30p.m.


Friday, more birthdays, this time Caravan kicking off its two year anniversary weekend long bash with the Starband from 9:30pm. Peter Harper is in the city all the way from Australia and will be ringing in the weekend by making inappropriate gestures with a didgeridoo on stage at DDC from 9p.m. The Babel Crew will be crowding up the DJ booth at Rec Room including outstanding young minds such as Bloodz Boi, Puzzy Stack, and Mythress from 10p.m. And over at Mogu Space Carsick Cars and White+ dude in charge Zhang Shouwang and Chuiwan’s Yan Yulong will shouting about the British royal family actually being lizards. It’s gonna get well awkward from 9p.m.


Saturday, Caravan’s birthday celebrations continue with “a made in Ningxia night” featuring  Li Xia, Wu Ning Yue, and Wu & the Side Effects from 9:30p.m. Rum and couscous pair well with this one I hear. For a change of pace Tavey Lean and the Solid Gold Dream Machine will be lecturing about the trials and tribulations of vegan baking and pig farming at DDC from 9p.m. No music, just a really somber discussion about those two topics and the inherent contradictions of combing the two.  A little bit down the way at fRUITYSPACE Dee will be recounting the time he threw up an actual house brick while some noise heads including Acid and Gael listen and nod approvingly from 8:30pm


Sunday, it is somebody’s birthday somewhere, so why not roll the dice and sing happy birthday to complete strangers on the subway. You might get lucky and make somebody’s day amazing or just mildly annoy and confuse people you’ll likely ever meet again (Charlie Sheen would term this a ‘bi-winning’ experience). Speaking of winning there will be no less than ten bands at Caravan featuring Cello Love, Erik Allen, Redundancy Seconds, Jordan Darling, Dooder, Hunters Unplugged, Star Band, Couplacups, Randy Abel, and Kamau & Friends from 4pm. If you’re not puking into your shoes by 00:01A.M Monday morning then you have failed miserably. At life. Meanwhile it’s campus rock night at School from 7p.m featuring Shut Up N Listen, Foes, Raven, Riger, Ciel Errant and more.


Monday, it’s the birth of a new week, except nobody is excited about this birthday party because new weeks suck. Apart from ones that involve dressing up and cake, but it’s not Halloween nor the anniversary of Margaret Thatcher’s death so you’ll just have to punch yourself in the crotch on your way to work instead. Tuesday, a birthday bash! For everyone’s favourite multicoloured, high octane queen of the night, Xiao Xiao! At School from 9p.m! Featuring Backspace, DICE, Oldy Baby, and the unofficial go to birthday/bar/bat mitzvah band of Beijing, Dress Code, plus DJ sets from Dee and Liinshi. Come help double Xiao get double blackout drunk and lose all of her stuff like she seems to do every weekend, except this time on a Tuesday. Over at fRUITYSPACE weird sounds and processed vocals from Iris Garrelf and her headless giraffe with support from Ake and Zhu Wenbo tap dancing to 2 step garage while Abing plays a trumpet the wrong way round. And next Wednesday Liron Man from Israel will be spanking away at those hand pans and licking his lips in a slightly unnerving fashion at DDC from 9p.m.


Happy birthday, universe! Bye.