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Manners, The Inside Manners

 

He said: "It's all of those manners inside of the other manners. Do you know what I mean? OK,  so we're a mixed couple and our signals get cross every damn day. Some of my good manners, she doesn't like them, understand or respect them...but it's the same for her too.

 

She said: That all sounds very complicated. Some of my manners towards my coworkers here in China make me a bad person . And some of the things that they do, when they think they are being nice and polite might actually disgust me. Let's take some "TIME" for example.

 

He said: Yeah, being on time is a big one I think for most people in the whole World right? When somebody is super late for something that is super important to you you start questioning people, start questioning friendships. Why am I friends with this person that just last week was late for an hour and a half and didn't text me till they were almost at the subway station. I think being on time especially in these modern days goes a long way to respectability. And I have had girlfriends that were very late. I've had girlfriends that were always by just a couple minutes late. So to plan ahead:

"Lets meet at 8 o'clock."

But you know 8 o'clock is 8:15 in their world. You actually start getting so used to their Bad Manners. 9 o'clock is really 9:30.

"You know, let's make it 8:30...I have to finish something work."

Now you lying to make up for their bad manners, right?

 

She said: Well then I will just keep waiting until I find somebody that's always on time.

 

He said: Your'e going to keep waiting because everybody is fucking late all the fucking time. Now maybe you know people who show up to work on time, or they've never missed a day. Rewarded punctuality awards from bosses. But in their social life, their non-work life, their dating life, their hobby life, and ALL OF LIFE...their life is Late, correct?

 

She said: OK listen:

With TIME, if you're going to be late text them to tell them you're going to be late. But don't just show up three hours later and say sorry because

1. you're not sorry

2. you didn't say sorry

3. and you want me to feel OK with that, and that ain't happening no more. And what did you mean that the manners are in the manners??? what it what what what what what was that you were saying?

 

He said; Yeah, it's all those manners inside the other manners. If you know that someone is late all the time and you want to have dinner at 8, say dinner is at 9. It's very simple all these inside manners. And remember especially living in a different country, what we think is good manners is not their good manners. What their good manners are may not be ours too. So don't just start screaming and shouting and say things like:

"When they do that, it's so fucked up and so wrong."

"Why can't they just speak English like the rest of the world?"

"They live here and don't even try to learn or speak Chinese. The world is not America, the world is NOT the West."

And we've ALL heard foreigners and Chinese talking shit about one another like this...that happens all over the world not just HERE people...so please try to remember that! Why would you talk down to anyone at all, when it's really just something that you don't know or that you didn't study or take the time to accept? And that happens so often in China especially for us cursing and for them loud conversations that feel like yelling when it's all just different ways of communicating. I watch two Chinese people talking to each other from across a park it's so loud...and when I finally walk by them they're smiling and laughing. Loud is not always angry, which is a marvelous Manner I would like to work on myself. My Chinese coworker asked me the other day if _______ was mad at me the the other day. I told her no, he and I just curse a lot in our every day language.

Rarely do we know the reasons why people do anything. Some people don't do certain things (Different cultural manners in this instance) because of where their from and their own traditions. There are some things that maybe people should and shouldn't do across the world right? You don't open the door and just let it slam in someone's face in a crowded place, you hold it open for the next person. Little things like that are the manners inside the manners you know?

 

She said: Got it. (Head nodding)

Manners, the inside manners.

 




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