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Bad things happen when you're too nice

I used to be a nice person. I would always put others before myself, and do everything in my power to appease those around me. I volunteered to do the bulk of the work for projects at my job. I backed down from my requests if they inconvenienced anyone else. And my free time was spent giving, giving and giving.

The end result, however, was not what I had hoped it would be. I felt tired and moody, because I was not caring for myself physically. As I volunteered to do more and more, people began to expect that I would do everything for them. I became resentful as my dreams were put on the back burner, and I desperately craved the attention and validation that I was not able to give myself.
We all want to be selfless, but in neglecting our own needs, we diminish our ability to do so. If we want to be more kind and giving, we actually need to be a little LESS “nice.”
Here are some bad things that happen when you are too nice:
If you are always giving, people will expect that of you
If you don’t set boundaries, you will be viewed as a doormat and taken advantage of. Valuing yourself, making sure your needs are met, and establishing limits does not mean that you do not have sympathy for those around you. It just means that your needs are important as well.
I thought that people would like me better and see me as more valuable if I gave as much as I could. Instead, I found that people appreciated it less. Those around us will value us as much as we value ourselves. As I began to set limits and ask for help when I needed it, people began to notice and appreciate my contributions.
You will develop unrealistic expectations of others
According to the Power of Positivity, when you are being too nice to others, you develop unrealistic expectations for them to do the same. When they do not meet these expectations, you may become angry and resentful.
Some people will come to you only when they need something
The Power of Positivity states that when you are too nice to people, they will only see you as a means to an end. People will only come to you when they think you can help them out, because they are seeing you only as a tool to help them meet their goals. This pattern can spiral out of control if you do not set boundaries to nip it as soon as it starts.
I saw this pattern starting in my own life, and it quickly became overwhelming. Being able to gently say “no,” without providing too many reasons or arguing it, was key. At times, I would offer to help the person get themself organized so that they could help themself, or I would refer them to other people and resources.
You will forget about being kind to yourself
According to the Power of Positivity, when you are busy taking care of everyone else, you will forget to be kind to yourself. This can lead to your basic needs not being met, and spiral into depression and burn-out.
I found that my over-giving distracted me from the sources of pain and suffering that were within myself. I was seeking validation externally, and I did not believe that I had any value outside of other people’s opinions of me. When I backed off on the constant giving, I was able to spend some time looking within and learning to rely on myself for validation. In the end, this allowed me to be more kind and understanding.
You will attract needy people
According to Stillman, when you are too nice you will attract people who are needy and manipulative. These people see an opportunity to take advantage of you, because you have not established boundaries with them.
I noticed this in my own life. I would spend hours “supporting” friends on Facebook, to the point where I was not getting enough sleep. I learned that it is okay to be a good friend and to be there for people, but it is also okay to let them know that I will only be available for a short amount of time on certain days.
People will not trust you
Because so few people are truly nice, when you are too nice, people will wonder if you have an ulterior motive. You are likely to be met with mistrust, which will lead to difficulties in establishing relationships.
I found that before I learned to establish boundaries, I was never truly accepted into the group, both at work at in my social interactions. When I began to set limits and show that I valued myself more, other people began to do the same.
After seeing the whole article, what do you think of this idea? Is it wrong to be too nice?

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