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Vive La Musique

Hi Beijing, how are you? I’m doing great, thanks for asking. Why? Well, because I'm the king of rock, there is none higher, sucker MC's should call me sire, to burn my kingdom, you must use fire and I won't stop rockin' till I retire. Naturally. In other news this Sunday/ next Wednesday sees the arrival of Fete de la Musique 2017. Excitement! And some other stuff, read on and get wise, yo.


Today is Thursday and that means you can witness Raven at DDC from 9p.m. It’s literally just going to be a bloody great big black bird flying around and attacking people. It’s going to be horrific. Over on Gulou time will stand still and midgets will do cartwheels for Rock Against Jams vol. 52 at Temple. Expect partial nudity and poor life choices from 9p.m. At School Nigou, Russian Roulette, and Grey will be linking arms and singing about how much they love Paul Simon’s seminal act of cultural appropriation, Graceland, from 9p.m. Yet all of that is the equivalent to a McDonalds bag filled with dog sick in comparison to the...Lush open mic! 9p.m start on that game changer.


Friday, the weekend starts here. Bring a towel, this isn’t amateur hour. After all The Beastie Boys fought and very possibly died for your right to party, so it would be a massive injustice to squander your opportunity to get royally wasted. Noctures, Game Gurus and Royal As Purple will be at DDC teaching you how to ruin your life from 9p.m. David Cui’s album release party will be going down at Yue Space from 9p.m. Expect party balloons and exciting movements from people’s crotch areas. Run Run Run, The Twenties, and Bang Bang Mary will be at bang banging the night away at Temple from 10p.m, while Own Up, Struggle Session, Return The Truth and more will be putting the core back in School from 9p.m. For those of you who want the actual experience of being inside the hit arcade game Pac Mac consider Mikael Jonasson at Lantern from 11p.m, Mr. C at Dada from 11p.m also and open DJ night at fRuityspace from 9p.m.


Saturday, remember this inspirational quote from legendary chef Marco Pierre White before you go forth and battle the demons of the night: "That's why you need a big sausage." Let that sink in and mediate on it for a while. When you’re ready head over to DDC for the latest project of their in house label DDL, a tour for experimental Belgian act Lilly Joel, who win a gold star for a brilliant moniker (up there with X-Ray Charles if you ask me). 9p.m. start. Down the street there will be a hip hop party at fRuityspace featuring DJ Rtsunami, Nico, Rapaciouz C and more. Meanwhile Free Sex Shop,, and First Medal will be screaming about varial heelflips and the Gonz gaying out with  Tory Pudwill at Temple from 10p.m. Downstairs at Dada you can move your backside to the tunes of Dehousy with support from Oshi, Puzzy Stack and more from 11p.m until everyone throws up in their shoes.


Sunday, wake up hung over. Watch Full Metal Jacket. Cry. Once that’s over and done with get your life together for the Fete de la Musique 2017 warm up party at Theatre 77 from 2pm featuring King Krab, Mademoiselle et son Orchestre, The Twebties, Templo do Samba, Star Band, and Capoeria Mandinga Beijing. After the sun sets you can walk a literal 100 meters to DDC for an indie electro pop extravanganze from 9pm, featuring whole cast of folks including Da Wei and Rod Hull and Emu. Oh, and apparently it’s Father’s Day so you can celebrate with Ambulance of Love, Russian Roulette, Duff Beer, and Xiao Wang at School. Apparently fathers with kids get free entry. If you’re a man and you don’t have any kids just borrow/abduct somebody’s kid. Super easy if you work at Kindergarten, just call it a school trip and get you and your dirt bag friends in for free and mentally scar your students forever. 9p.m start.


Next Monday: sadness. Next Tuesday,  jazz jam at Jianghu from 9p.m. And sadness. Next Wednesday, Fete de la Musique 2017 launches like a well aimed baguette smashing into your eye. It’s happening all over the city including shows at Yugong Yishan, Yue Space, Modernsky Lab, CHAO, DDC, 13 Club, Meridian Space, School, Onmi Space, Murdernista, Hot Cat Club, Temple, Caravan, Jianghu Bar, Mogu Space, Snail Hostel, 4 Corners, 27 Yuan, and Tienstiens. Check out the Beijinger for a full run down or the FDLM Wechat account. Right here and now I’ll just highlight some of my personal favourites from this year’s line up: at DDC Hot Club of Beijing, Spice Cabinet, and 4 Channels Club mix jazz and chip tune from 9p.m; great to see Wudaokou survivor 13 Club in the mix with Me Guan Me, The Hotline, and Nocturnes from 9p.m; Meridian Space throw down the experimental glove with thruoutin, Meng Qi, anxt, and Mohemann from 9p.m; and School for Colours in the Street, Backspace, and Elenore at School from 9p.m.


All you sucker MCs, you better say please.