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Ho Ho Hail Satan

Happy Holidays everyone! And what has Santa brought Beijing for Christmas this year? Why, a smogpocolypse of course! Because I’m sure all of you have been dreaming of a grey, suffocating Christmas. The night may be silent, but it’s anything but holy. Still, if you do choose to brave the end of the world lurking outside your window sweet music will offer brief respite from the cold, harsh reality of the situation.


Friday, the eve of Christmas eve. If you haven’t found presents for your loved ones in Beijing just yet I suggest smog masks. Either a large supply of disposables or the ones that make you look like Sub Zero from Mortal Combat. They work pretty well I hear. Over at DDC they’ll be kicking out the Christmas flavoured jams like only LiveBeijingMusic knows how, which basically means dressing like a charming hobo and getting saucy on store booze. This particular vagrant-booze hound line up consists of OOC, december3am, The GlamourManifesto, Backspace, and a super secret band, all from 8:30p.m. At School things are going to be getting as funky as the air outside with Click 15, Mr Honey, Half Half, and Self Portrait. Meanwhile over at MorganskyLab it’s time for jaw dropping beats from Oshi,KayC, Puzzy Stack, Civan , X.L.F, BB Deng, Kaize, and Shen Yue from 10p.m.


Saturday, Christmas Eve is upon us and best luck to Santa with finding your house amongst the choking pollution. First up, a blow out at Temple with Whai, Streets Kill StrangeAnimals, Moland, The Dice, and Comp Collider from 10p.m. Over at School punk legends SMZB are in town on their latest national tour for a very special acoustic show, joined by punk commandos Gumbleed from 9:30p.m. Over at DDC it’s a folk rock meltdown with TheParamecia, The Harridans, Royal as Purple, and DJ Bass Ventura from 9p.m. Over in Wudaokou 13 Club is celebrating a million days and nights of tomfoolery with Goodbye Sunset, Dark Haze, Ready To Die, SAW, and 641 from 8:30p.m. Finally, over at Hotcat it’s psytrance night from10p.m. Nothing says merry chrimbo like pystrance after all.


Sunday, Merry Christmas! Eat a lot and don’t look out the window. If your christmas consisted of eating instantramen alone and masturbating then I would encourage you to go and experience some live music because that’s more fun. Unless you plan on masturbating whilst eating instant ramen at a gig. In that case you’re a genius and probably soon to be locked up in an insane asylum. Temple have got your back with a truck load of booze, Wu& The Side Effects, and SilentSpeech from10p.m. School will be having a punk-o-tastic hoe down with The Circus,StayGold, 0910, Funky Monkey, and Fan Mian Er from 9:30p.m. Finger Your Family (or is is Finger Family?) will be shouting about pizza at Yugong Yishan from 9p.m, and I Am Waiting For You Last Summer will be waiting for you at DDC while the dog dry humps your leg from 9p.m.


Next week: Monday get some Boxing Day musical kicks with the open mic at Caravan from 9p.m. Is it only in the UK we do boxing day? OK, I’ll explain: it’s like Christmas +1, where traditionally rich people would kick the shit out of their servants and laugh about it afterwards. Ah, traditions. Tuesday: you are invited to Join the Riot at Morgan Skylab from 9p.m. You totally have alegit reason to wear a gasmask too. Wednesday, perhaps the smog will have cleared? At School The Sino Hearts will be marking the occasion between Christmas and New Year along with The Circus, Russian Roulette, and Nigou from 9p.m.


That’s it Beijing, all the best for Christmas and try not to breath too much.