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Hypernormalisation Blues

Hello there ladies and germs, boys and girls, mammals and reptiles. It has been quite some time since the last edition of Dez Seyz. I hope you will forgive me, for I was busy with other pursuits, mainly being in Europe performing and reflecting on how the Internet is a twisted dream state/nightmare that we really shouldn't pour our energies into. After some reflection I’ve decided to continue with Dann Says Nothing Of Use To Man Nor Beast as long as it continues to amuse me (or I’m asked to stop, which is inevitable). So please, enjoy the following slice of nonsense while it lasts and then put your phone down and actually pay attention to the world around you.


Today is Wednesday and the world is in shock because a chair fell over in a Scandinavian country, causing thousands to take to the streets in solidarity. The fortnightly Grand Jam at DDC will be dedicated to this shocking event from 9p.m and with owner 69 possibly presenting a break dancing segment dedicated to IKEA. Meanwhile there will be a punk night at School with Kuso Eyes, Love’s Ambulance, Streams of Life, and The Outsiders from 9p.m, which may or may not include a Jenkem swigging contest.


Tomorrow is Thursday and The Lush open mic will be ruining lives from 9p.m in celebration of a troupe of circus clowns being dispatched to clean up radioactive fuel at the Fukushima plant in Japan, which is leaking radiation into the Pacific ocean as you read this. Thankfully they’ll be bringing balloon animals. The Hot Club of Beijing will be presenting their new live CD at DDC, exactly where is was recorded last year, from 9p.m. Listen carefully and you may be able to hear the sound of a collapsing ice sheet.


Friday, the weekend begins and you are encouraged you to go and spend currency on goods and services you don’t actually require so you can return to your job on Monday that isn’t really necessary. So you don’t actually need to go to see Mr. Honey, Los Crashers, Ramblin’Roze, Elenore and ByebyeNoise at MAO but nonetheless it might be quite nice to from 8:30pm. Over in Sanlitun day one of Ran Music’s Spring showcase kicks off REC Room featuring live sets from L+R, J.R.G, Hielektromen, and Beijing Eastside Jam Squad, all that goodness blasting your ears from 10p.m. MorganSky Lab hosts 1099 from Norway, it’s post-rock so expect it to be packed with people pretending this their life is a movie and this is the soundtrack from 8:30p.m. Meanwhile the excellent December 3AM will be reinterpreting post-rock in their own stripped down, haunting fashion at Mogu Space from 9p.m.


Saturday, somewhere in the city an overpriced bar alleging to sell craft beer will open for the first time. No one will know the reason why it’s opened, not even the staff or owners, only that the idea of drinking craft beer is fashionable and that makes it a lucrative business opportunity for people who believe they like craft beer more than other types of alcohol though they may not actually know why. It will close soon anyway. In a similar fashion SnowMelt Festival 2017 is happening at Beijing Huaibei Ski Resort which should be appropriately free of snow at this point, allowing you to have your mind utterly blown. By house and techno. from 3p.m. Yippee. For something remarkably more interesting head over to REC Room for the second day of Ran Music’s Spring showcase featuring live sets from Major, thruoutin, and a vinyl set from Watermelon, all colliding from 10p.m. At Snail Hosel Wu Ning Yue presents a concert from 8:30p.m, the proceeds of which will go to support legislation banning the sale of dog and cat meat and providing for homeless animals — consider putting money towards that as opposed to watered liquor and pretending you’re Pablo Escobar in a bathroom stall at 4a.m. The Paper Tigers release their new MV for ‘Hutong Hipster’ at DDC, probably to an audience of sullen faced bearded men and women who ride around the city on jiangbing carts ironically. Also playing are OCC, Feng Di Band, and everyone’s favourite INXS tribute act, INXU. All that gutter glitter and more from 8:30p.m.


Sunday, the day when you are invited to worship a controversial media personality you love/despise and talk about that person at length on social media. If you can tear yourself away from that you are invited to an afternoon show at Morgansky Lab for some Kim Jong Ill sounds from Beijing University of Technology including Read, Floating, Diffuse, and My Friend, from 2p.m. Over at 69 Cafe Fofox, Qi Ming, Zin, and Ho Nam will be inviting you to get too drunk to folk from 8p.m. Probably.


Next week: Monday, you’ll be encouraged to go to work and perhaps attend a meeting. Story time on Mondays is fun, especially with sock puppets. Afterwards the Danny Zanker Quartet will be getting real at DDC. Tuesday, some jazzy jammage at Jianghu from 9p.m. Next Wednesday, a birthday party punk bash at School featuring Free Sex Shop, Discord, The Demonstrators, Dress Code, and Quick Shot from 9p.m.