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Beijing News

Reporter 1. Here at the studio, this just in...Lets go live outside of an apartment in Wangjing, the neighbors have called the police. Before they get there, let's listen in...



Her: Sanlitun again?


Him: I haven't had Annie's in a long time, and I miss good pasta.


Her: No, you just wanna end up at Vicks again. Their pasta is good because it isn't bad, there's a big difference. And I know coloring on the free Chef hats with crayons makes you happy for real.


Him: I thought me being happy about living here in Beijing was important to you.


Her: Are you fucking serious? I'm not just some stupid college girl looking for some fun while you're living abroad. I'm looking for a serious relationship based on honesty...Not always staying at your place, because me wanting to do that means believe it or not, I REALLY do just want to sleep sometimes.


Him: Well, if you had you're own place like a normal single woman, we wouldn't have this problem would we?


Her: "Normal Single Girl?" This isn't America. People here have roommates to save money. And yes, we still live with our families over here too. You ever stop to think why you fucking Americans are SO against living with your OWN families? Now, here, your apartment is paid for. Mine is not, and you and I are co-teachers. You want to talk about apartments, money, equality, fairness & pulling me down for not having what is GIVEN to you? Then refuse the free apartment, and pay for it yourself and we will see how often you're at Annie's, Vic's, Kokomo's, Home Plate...F U and your foreigner privilege!



Reporter 1. one here at the station knows what to say either...So we will kick it out to our reporter in Sanlitun.


Reporter 2. Situation at Club Latte is getting serious. Dealing with the classic situation of guys night out, but one of the girlfriends show up...and she's the hot one. Let's listen in...


Boyfriend: Where did she go?


Friend 1: Not sure?


We scan the floor...nothing. Then like a properly placed spotlight, BLAMMO! Getting a free drink from a super hot guy is his girlfriend. Because I third wheel it with my couple friends a lot, they're cool with me writing down all these stories. So with this privilege, I am allowed to ask all and any questions which in this circumstance really means I'm the buffer, or the ill-fated messenger. (Our lives matter here in Beijing, 2016. I wanna hear all about it and tell ya all about it. So when you're walking around China all by yourself, and it's a particular lonely night...I pray that some of these words reach out in the hopes of pushing life on, or merely a distraction that hopefully created some sort of change. Soliloquy over.)



Me: Hey Mi-Ya.


She smiles really big because she knows I come in peace, but I feel this man looking down at me as he is a tall (taller than me, and I'm sorta tall), fit, gorgeous man in expensive clothes & confidence oozing from his cuff links. He speaks:


Other Man: What are you drinking there? (Pointing down at my drink)


Me: Long-Island. Rarely am I without one.


Other Man: So THAT guy is HER boyfriend?


(Looking at Mi-Ya as I say this) Me: So THAT guy is YOUR boyfriend?


Other Man: No, is it hers? (Pointing down at her)


Me: I'm almost certain, yes 100% positive you can ask her yourself.


He takes a step towards me, also he takes his hands out of his pockets... I smile.


Other Man: No one was talking to you. Go back and keep talking with your friend, or we might have a problem.


Me: The only problem is these drinks aren't strong enough to make anyone that drunk or talk that incoherently...but somehow you managed 1 out of the 2. Let's take a step back and see what you're missing.

First: You said no one was talking to me, remember? But the next sentence you said was to go back & keep talking with my friend. Was there talking, wasn't there talking? Mi-Ya, I'm done talking. Cigarette, smile, and story later Mi-Ya?


Mi-Ya: Cigarette, smile and story...correct.


I give her a kiss on her cheek and smack her ass hard just to make him more angry. Made it back over to my friend.


Friend 1: Was that necessary? (He slaps my ass too, we laugh.)




Reporter 2: Well, things here at VICKS seemed to have calmed down. We do however need to send it over to South East Beijing. We have a live confession in progress from yet another single girl...



Single Girl: Why am I single? Because I'm too fucking busy, I don't have enough time to date people. I just want to jump out of dating! And maybe have someone to snuggle with, when I need it. He can do his own thing while I don't need it, and leave me alone when I'm busy. That's what you call an uncomfortable silence, yet as I say it I really want that comfortable silence with HIM! This is just the situation I'm in now, so I'm just telling you. What, you gonna write that down or something? You tell me a story James. Put down your fucking pen and enlighten me...if ya can...can ya?...