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Call Outs


Summer is here, it is hot and so are people's tempers! So let's all take a moment and let it out now, huh? As a teacher I have a list a mile long of call outs, shout outs. So, with no further ado, your ABC Call Outs!:


All the people that read this: thank you thank you from the deepest part within. To have eyes other than my own that reads all this silenced time means the world to me.


Beijing Bikini. 'Nough said.


Cheap Chinese food. Callin' Cabs...but when Huilongguan is uttered from my mouth, ACTION!:

Wave of the hand, eyes straight ahead until all I see is the back of their head. Cabies im Callin' you out! Cabbies & Callers, be better to each other.


Dee-tee-uh. Our BJ subway carries around all of our Dead weight. So please Dont Disrespect the rails beneath your feet.


Empty threats, yeah you heard me. Sick of yer noise. Attack me, or leave me the fuck alone!


Family. I would personally like to mention that in my eight years living in Asia, not one Family member has come to visit. But once my Future "Best Man" came to see me. I trust a Fatigued Friend over a Fatalistic Family member every day.


Gong-Pao-Jiding. Foreigners favorite fatty food. Calling you out for your Goddamn Gorgeousness. And when you can't read the menu, ya got that memorized don't you?


Handi-capped seats. The sign screams Help others...but more than not, it's too Help yourself. So please, Have a Heart & stop sitting where you don't belong!


Idiots...ya know who you are. And to the rest of you, never forget to tell those who you love WHEN they are being an Idiot.


Johns, as in the "Dear Johns" of the world. A quick call out to all the men who have been left in the dust. And when that dust settles first you'll see mirages...but they are merely hope, pushing us all forward to the end. So Dear Johns, I'll have a drink with any of you. We could all have some fellowship between us you know?


Kat food. The first time I ate "chwar" here in China I asked the owner,

"What meat is this?"

"Why do you ask?"

"I was told by all my foreigner co-teachers that everyone gets sick from it at the beginning."

"Most foreigners stomach can't handle it. Chicken, pork, pigeons, some places dogs in mice."

"Cat?" I ask in a lower tone.

"Menu spells it with a K, so I don't know what you're talking about."


Lurkers, you know who you are in whatforandwhy. And those evil men who are Lurking after women and children, may you have a speedy death.


Milk. So hard to find the good stuff here.


Ni-o-nai...please read M above.


Off., as in "Day Off" Private school teachers get 1. Mine is on Tuesdays and in NW BJ.

"Hey James can you get the weekend Off to go camping?

Hey James can you get the weekend Off to go to Shanghai, guys weekend?  Hey James can you get the weekend Off to stay over with me?"

"I'm sorry I can't, because I'm On."


Phones. We have created ways to fall into the water without I'm Calling Out all cellPhones.


Quiet Questions.

"It will just upset them if you ask that."

Enough time teaching abroad teaches you...sometimes it is wise to just close your mouth even when it's screaming and coursing through your veins not to. Keep Questions Quiet amongst Kings & Queens.


Reading Roads. How many out there can perfectly time each intersection where they live and almost coexist with traffic coming at you from all sides. Road Readers, I'm Calling you Out, and tipping my hat.



Sun, as in the Sun. Dear Sun, I'd like to personally say thank you so far for this Summer. You have Surpassed all expectations and could even relax a little more now that Summer Smiles are back, that even Strangers are even more Silly to one another. So Sun, if you want to take a break Sometimes, no one would give you too much shit about it. I do Solemnly, Secretly Swear...Sincerely.


The Three T's:




Calling you out T.V.; for the first to replace babysitters.


Teachers: Teach what you've been Taught The best way you know, and if you do not into The Trash you may go.



Gotta be Thee most undervalued and under appreciated word ever.

"Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles. Rock 'n' roll in our T.V.'s, and a small glimpse into the future. Teachers witnessing firsthand the power of T.V., Technology. Kids around the world all tuning in for music. I currently Teach music sometimes with a Touch whiteboard playing a Beatles song. The future is now.


Uncles. I am an Uncle twice over, not yet having held my sister's newest baby girl Colby. For someone who has an unknown future with children like myself, it is truly an honor and privilege to be an Uncle. It's one of three things in my life I will never Undervalue Until my last breath.


Violence. Sometimes Vindication takes longer in others.


Wei-go-ran. Hearing someone saying it behind you. Watching someone saying it on the subway looking straight at you. Still takes adjusting after 8 years living abroad that when you live in a small little borough like I do now, and pass by a fellow foreigner: a polite head nod, friendly smile of agreement that we're all in this far away place together and we could just be a little more aware of that, is fading. But that is my own opinion and personal feelings. But is it sad that my dream of a fellowship, or dare I say the dreaded word "community", is one of hope and not common practice?


X-Pats. See W.



Y, and I'm sorry y'all...but I wanna Call Out WHY! I hear that word more than any other word in China.

"Why would he/she do that?"

"Why do I have to teach that way?"

"why why why." So if Y is a question to me, what's it to You? is the obvious choice. As Niki reminds me, Whatforandwhy is about the collaboration of foreigners and locals. Zee word to finish this Long Island Ice, I mean this article everyone is: Zootopia. A movie I put on during break time at school. And I can hear, can hear them talk about the differences between me and my Chinese co-teacher. Looking at the screen, then looking at us.To get any sort of open dialogue with an Asian kid under the age of seven is remarkable regarding world cultural differences. So for that alone I'm calling out Zootopia for attempting to make a bridge between for kids...and I'm sure some reader is thinking,

"And it was made for adults too James." Blah blah blah, but that's not what I'm talking about now. So my last Call Out goes to all y'all who listen with your mouths, then... try covering your ears to listen.






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