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The Death of Marriage

The Death of Marriage

“Till death do us part.” Have heard that since I was a little kid…along with,

“Happily ever after.” These days I hear people saying, “Maybe I’ll get married one day…but I want to travel. I’m ok with just my own life. Why should we be bringing more children into this crowded, polluted world? The best thing now is to NOT have children and take care of the one’s the world already has.”

It’s a compelling argument: Overpopulation, world pollution, and a shaky economy. Over half the world is divorced, and some staggering facts of less than 5-year marriages ending up in divorce boggle the mind. Is it really the death of commitment? The death of old traditions and values? The death of all those fairy tales that drugged us?

I’m thinking it’s a mixture of all those things, including how the world is getting smaller and smaller by the minute. App’s to talk to people all over the world, that whole online dating life. Why leave your home and talk to a real person when you can merely just sit on your couch, order food and chat with people 5,000 miles away? So easy to do nothing, and feel everything right?

“What did you do last night?”

“Me? I just stayed home, had some food and was talking to this really cool girl. Over a month now we’ve been texting and video chatting. I think it might be going somewhere in the future. But you know, we have never met. I’m not sure how we would be in person. So I’ll keep talking with her until she asks me to meet.”

This was my conversation with a friend last week. Death of marriage? Sounds like death of dating, and death of ‘real time’ interaction. So how are we supposed to get married if we don’t even date in person now?

I was raised by my mom and dad who are still married to this day 37 years later. They met once in Disneyland after my dad told his commanding officer he fell in love at first sight. Made me that night in the happiest place on earth. My father’s father saw my grandma in a restaurant, told his brother he just fell in love at first sight…asked her to marry her after dinner. The next day my grandpa goes off to fight in WW2…he came back to a son, my father. So for 37 years between my dad and grandpa, I have been asked,

“James, why haven’t you fallen in love at first sight and get married?”

Apparently love and marriage is DEEP in my Holt family genes. But no marriage yet, no falling in love at first sight…yet. Two Shakespearian bloodline stories I’ve been placed to live up to my whole life. I don’t count on that to happen to me, I just marvel over the fact that it happened to the two most lovely men I have ever met.

8 years in Asia now with it slowly dying down, the age of 30 for women is a perplexing place to be. It’s a very debatable topic obviously. Each growing year Asian women are getting to have more freedom, more choices and amen to that! There’s also a WORLD of women that is being forced to go on blind dates with men they don’t know or care about. It’s so easy to be “plugged in” these days. The world is shrinking every day with more choices and less restrictions. Fulfilling your own happiness seems to be more important than finding another person to help you round that out. There isn’t the need to be saved by anyone, anymore. Help yourself to happiness, and happiness doesn’t mean getting married anymore. Now maybe it didn’t really mean that at all, but it was pushed down our throats for such a LONG time, it was too hard to get passed that. Hard to make clear decisions when you can’t breathe.

“James, I don’t want to be another statistic. Would rather be in fucked up relationships that end like they always seem to do than a divorce!”

So it got me thinking about the death of marriage…maybe it’s not that we want to be freer with our choices, lives and the people we let in. Maybe, it’s that we don’t want to fail with our hearts, and have that title of “Divorced” that you have to check off when filling out paperwork sometimes. Or, when a man or woman asks you about your dating history and you gotta throw out the “D” word. So is it fear or freedom that leads this modern world into less marriages and more divorce? Fear, freedom, or to fuck? That is thy question.

Looking forward to hearing comments and stories about any and all of this.

Next Thursday's topic will be: Pillow talk!

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